(612): I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It’s not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Tracks
(603): Someone said we’re out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying ‘but where will all the polar bears live’. That drunk.
(434): I DON’T CARE LET’S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
(828): Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
(802): I’m going to fuck my way out of the friendzone if its the last thing I do
(717): he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
(410): engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
(732): You almost set me on fire last night.
(1-732): You probably deserved it.
(860): How drunk are you??
(732): I’m flawless.
(409): You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your “ship” because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st mate.
(812): Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i’ve ever made in my life
